Mean people suck.
Last week I had a bad running experience. Surprisingly it wasn't while running. It was while talking to an experienced runner that I work with. He was sharing some of his recent exploits with me. So, I shared the fact that I had signed up for the marathon happening in March. This is where it all went downhill. I made the crazy assumption that as a fellow runner at the very least he would say, "good for you." Sadly, the response he gave was not even close. In fact it was the perfect opposite. He actually said a number of fairly hurtful things to me. Like...."Why would you do something stupid like THAT?" "You DO know there is such a thing as half-marathons, right?" "Why on earth would you want to run that race?" "Have fun destroying your body." "What makes you think you can do it?" "Have you done this before?" "How long have you been running?" And more. All that said as perfectly snarky and callous as it reads on the screen here. Interject sneers and inconsiderate looks from head to toe. Oh, and the real kicker. The vocalized judgement that put the nail in the conversation coffin. "Good luck." After all of that it probably goes without saying that he did not mean good luck in it's traditional well-wishing fashion. Nor did he even attempt to make it seem like that's what he meant. He meant good luck finishing that race in one piece you idiot.
The bad thing about all of this was that it got in my head. At the time I retorted tartly to each of his barbs and kindly vacated the room we were sharing. We were at work, after all, and I didn't want to make a scene. I told myself to brush it off. His opinion and comments didn't matter. He didn't know what he was talking about. He was being a colossal douche. But there are a few problems with this. He sort of does know what he is talking about. A little back story on this guy (I happen to know some because he is one of those men that LOVES- no, LIVES to talk about himself endlessly. So he had bragged about his running prowess all the way back to the glory High School days...at least 20 years ago for him, I'm guessing.) He is a sponsored distance runner. He travels around the world with running clubs to compete. He also coaches young runners and works to develop talent. He runs for speed. Typically his races are 8k trail runs.
This is part of the reason I was so dumbfounded about his barrage of negative comments. I had made the mistake of thinking hey, we're both runners. We have something in common. Let's talk about it. NEVER AGAIN. I really learned something about the sport that day. Now you can say that this is just a personality flaw. Yes, I believe it is. But I also believe that for a lot of the community there is a stigma to new runners. There is also a huge gap between the people who run to compete and the people who run to--well, run. Part of the reason why he was so ill towards me is simple. I am new to running therefore must be slow. And, I must have no idea what I am doing (ok, he's kinda got me there). But instead of embracing a newbie and saying "welcome to the club, give it your all," he tried to scare me away from my goal. That sucks. It is so unfortunate that anyone would feel the need to do that. This grown man projected quite a few of his own fears and feelings onto me.
The following day was rough. As hard as I tried to shut it out some of those statements were on my mind. It was to be my longest run yet. 10 miles after a full day of work, away from my baby. This is where some of my personality comes into play. Although I was letting it get to me I wasn't going to let it detour me from my training plan. I suited up for battle....or rather, a run. I didn't really want to go. My heart wasn't in it. But, I also didn't want to prove him right. The first couple of miles my feet pounded into the pavement angrily. How dare he say those things? He doesn't know me! Over the middle miles I began to think ugh, this sucks, I'm not even enjoying it anymore. By the end I was exhausted, sad, and unimpressed with my time and how broken down my body felt. What am I thinking?
I hobbled up the stairs to my house. Once inside I pathetically flopped myself sideways onto the bed. "Whats up babe? How was your run? Did you make it all the way?" My husband asked. I sprung off of the bed-ouch. "Of course I made it all 10 miles, are you crazy? That's what I said I was going to do and I did it." I was offended. Again. Man, I am sensitive! Every fiber of my body hurt. I began to seriously doubt my decision making. I mean, I've had my share of shadows of doubt before this day. But they were so fleeting and seemed trivial. This was a whole other monster. The shadow had turned into a huge rain cloud. The negative self-talk floodgates opened.... I am reeking havoc on my body for no good reason. If this is how I feel after 10 how will I feel after 26? What if I can't walk after that? Will I need to be carried off of the course? I don't even know how to take care of myself after a long run. Should I be having some kind of sports drink and vicodin combo? Will I be able to walk tomorrow? I'll be so embarrassed if I have to limp around work tomorrow. That Captain Douche McGee will laugh at me, point his bony finger of shame and say I told you so.
I asked my husband to grab the ice bucket. Ahhhh, my first date with an ice bath. Ok. That felt better. Almost a week later and things have turned around. I've logged 3 more successful yet challenging runs. I learned a few more things about Mister not-so-nicey-runner-pants. Turns out he is one of "those" runners that I talked about previously. And, he DOES think he is better than--everyone. More importantly I have learned a few important things about myself and this new territory. There will be nay-sayers and people that aren't on board with what I am doing. They may say I can't do it, or call me crazy for trying. My own parents both expressed their concern at my marathon goal. At the end of the day that doesn't mean a thing.
Even if I do have doubts I know one thing. I can do anything that I put my mind to. I have determination and drive down to the core of my being. I don't care how hard this race is. Or how difficult it is for a first time runner to complete the training. I am resilient and diligent. I will get through the 26 miles just like I got through 10, by taking one grueling mile at a time. I am taking the proper steps to set myself up for success. I am putting in the time and effort to prepare. I am becoming mentally and physically tough. I don't know if I am ready for this. But I plan to be in March when it's race time. Mean people be damned! Later in life weather I've run a dozen more races or just this one I hope I can support a new runner. I want to be positive and say, "you can do it, go for it!" Because everyone deserves to feel that way.
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