My Marathon Trilogy: The Bad

Everyone wants to know what it is like to run a marathon for the first time.--ok, mostly just my family, but whatever. I know it has been a long time. In a way it feels like years have passed since I ran mine. Still, I remember every detail. Finally, I am ready to share with you. I've only just regained my energy to do so...just kidding (kinda).

I've decided to do something different with this blog update. I'm going to break it up into three parts. Much like running a marathon was broken up into three parts in my mind. That way it has the added benefit of not boring you to death. We know that I can go on, and on, and on, and...you get the point.

I'm going to give it to you straight, so be prepared. The good, the bad, and the ugly. No holding back. Today I'm starting with the bad. If I wrote the good first you would just accuse me of sugar coating the experience and say it's been so long I just remember the highlights. Like childbirth...If I started with the ugly you might never want to return to read another post of mine. So, bad it is.

Let me first set the scene. I wake at 4am --I say, "wake up," but I'm not really sure I even slept. Even so, I am feeling good. I'm wide awake despite the circumstances. The jitters are building more and more. I check my gear for the millionth-no-zillionth time....yep, a left shoe and matching right shoe. Yep, energy gel, yep, water bottles--will I even need these?---but, im getting off track now. 

The weather report says it will be partly cloudy with a chance of rain. Great, I think, at least it won't be hot. I HATE running in the heat. We wait around at the start for around 3 hours. It's really cold. We sit down (by "we" I mean my BFF Julie and her lovely hubby Josh) on the cold pavement in the "8 minute mile" section. Someone intermittently declares something we can't quite make out over the loud speaker.

As race time approaches people begin to crowd in around us. Some jump over the fence we are next to in order to obtain a better location. No one wants to be stuck in the back of the pack--even people like me that are slow and probably should be stuck back there. We are all clamoring to maintain our position. The difference between those people and me is that I have been in this spot in the corral since 5 am hunched over in my best throw away sweats...THEY are endangering themselves and the runners around them by carelessly hurling themselves over the 8 foot fence at the last possible moment. I begin to get very concerned that I have come all of this way in training injury free only to have one of these morons landing on me before I even cross the start. I get frustrated. Is this just how it goes? 

My view from the corral. Just before the gun goes off. The start is waaaay up there. Can you find Waldo?

Now I can understand what the mystery speaker man is saying. He announces the hand racers. We hear the gun go off. Then another as the female and then male runners begin. "Eat my dust," I picture them saying. It must be nice to be elite right now. Loud music is playing...I think it was Britney Spears. Josh says, "at least it's not the Black Eyed Peas, it could be worse." "Hey," I think, "I like the Black Eyed Peas...well, MOST of their stuff at least." The crowd shuffles excitedly forward. There are cheers. There is more movement..."is this it?" I think. And we begin. 

People are weaving in and out of other people carelessly...some, a lot more than you would think, are stopping to take a leak on the wall outside of Dodger Stadium.--But, I digress, because that fits into the "ugly" category of my trilogy. 

About 10 yards after my feet cross the start I am bumped by another runner and my left water bottle flies into the air. There is far too much commotion for me to retrieve it. Lost forever. Oh well, I think. It's just one out of two and I'm still not even sure I will need it. There are plenty of aid stations on this race. We dodge countless items of clothing, plastic trash bags, and other obstacles out of the gate. I worry a bit about getting my rhythm amongst so many people and with friends.

It seems like just after we detach from the starting madness that the rain sets in. Around mile 3. It's a nice welcome slow drizzle at first. Ok, I think, this will be fine. I'm actually enjoying this. Mother Nature had other plans.

Fast forward to mile 7. The rain really picks up now. I am trucking along and looking around me people are starting to get really uncomfortable. The onlookers are finding cover. Julie has been shivering non-stop since 5 am. The cold is getting really tough for her now(it's that runner w/low body fat thing that I have yet to experience). She starts to run faster without realizing it-maybe in an effort to get warm--or maybe to get to the finish that much faster. I try to continue to take it slow and steady. My goal is to finish. I really don't care about the time.

I know my family is planning to be around this marker so I've spent the last mile searching relentlessly for their bundled up faces in the crowd. Part of me is thinking that I may have missed them somehow along the way. When it became clear they weren't there I began to cry. I didn't realize until that moment just how important it was to me to have them there. I had done this all alone & now I wanted them to see what I was accomplishing & be part of the experience. Thank God for friends at this point to lift me back up & help me focus on the task at hand. We push forward and so doe the rain.

Mile 8-10 I begin to notice that I'm wanting to use the bathroom a lot. My stomach is disagreeing loudly with my decision to run long distance today. Maybe it was that grilled sandwich I had yesterday. ...I've broken a rule of thumb to "never eat something different before a marathon." Whoops, I might have to pay for that. I've never had this problem in training, usually I can eat whatever I want before a run. But, I usually don't eat handfuls of meat and melted cheese, and french bread followed by a rich caramel dessert either. So I'm not sure what to expect. I start to wonder if I'm slowing my friends down too much.  There are lines at least 8 people deep at all if the port-a-johns & it takes me awhile to peel off my wet bottoms to go.

Mile 13. I see my family for the first time (that part is not bad) It's a welcome sight but they are soaked and I feel terrible for them. My son is wrapped up in a sweatshirt (not even a rain repellant coat!?). He's holding a precious sign he worked so hard on to surprise me with---it is running (no pun intended) down the poster board in a stream of red. I can't tell what it says.---He waves it proudly as I approach. (Come to think of it I still have NO idea what it did say.)

Approaching my fans!--I mean family.

I stop to say hello. He yells "Mom! All of these people are out here running with you! This is crazy! I'm so COLD!!!!!" He is shivering and more wet than I've ever seen him before. Rain drips down our faces as we hug. I can't help but giggle. When I look at my Mom she resembles an Eskimo. She's come all the way from Chicago to see me run and won't be able to see me finish since she has to catch a flight out.

My son with his sad little poster in a soaked sweatshirt. In the background my Mama-Eskimo

I hand them my coat. "Are you sure?!" She says... looking at me in a tank top and capri's. She's no running expert but as a Mom she wishes I'd just hang on to it in case. "Yeah," I say. "I've been waiting for the last 3 miles to hand that off. --I've broken another marathon rule. "Don't buy any new clothing items to run in on race day. Only use the ones you've tried out in training."  Oh well, no harm done. It was just a bit too snug and constricting for this kind of day. It got really toasty and heavy with the rain. "I'd rather get wet...you can only get so drenched and then it rolls right off," I say. I give quick hugs and continue on my way, rejuvenated.

I was so happy to see them all. It truly was a surreal moment...but wait, I am sneaking into the "good" here. I'll get to all that later. On the bad side....I was worried that they would get sick standing around waiting for me in the rain. The plan was for my son to go with his Dad for the rest of my race and cheer me on as they could. My sister's family, including her two little ones were planning on being at mile 18 and 22. So, they would be in the cold too. Also, the race was in LA and my Mom was due for a 1:30 flight out of Orange County. I was worried she'd miss it on my account.

Now here we are onto mile 14. I have to admit I did feel pretty good. My spirits were still up. Throughout the race no matter what was happening I was very confident I would cross the finish line. What was bothering me now was the people I was running with...that's the wrong way to put it.  What I mean to say is that they were on my mind. My bathroom problems were getting more cumbersome. The weather was not letting up...I felt I was holding them back. I had only run with Julie one time during the 4 months of my training. I have never run with anyone else. I started to feel like it was taking as much effort to be concerned about them as it was to think about myself. It seemed like every time we slowed down to walk it was due to my suggestion.

We talked about it and they were concerned that I would feel abandoned. They didn't feel a big need to separate. Finally, after about a mile of contemplation I cut them lose. "Hit the bricks," I said. "Get outta here, I'll be fine." They are such a sweet couple and I really will never forget our 13+ miles together.(Julie, it's your shout out. You are a B-I-G part of the reason I even had enough courage to tackle a marathon as my first race and I owe you big time. You know I love you...). But, it was time to be on my own.

As I progress the big things on my mind are:

1. My iphone is on my arm in a case which is now soaked and my husband is tracking me on that phone. If it goes dead I not only no longer have music but no one will really know where I am...and I have no backup plan...other than the $20 I tucked in my pouch in case I have to bribe a phone call out of someone later.

2. I can no longer feel my feet. My socks and shoes are so wet that I am wondering if my entire foot may blister.

3. My stomach problems are getting increasingly worse.

And I'll stop here because that is when things got good & ugly all at once...

Today I Ran a Marathon

Ok. I am way too tired to write about it right now....but I thought it would be amazing to write that sentence.  Any other day it would just not be true.  But....Today, I ran a Marathon!

Count Down

Only 10 days until the marathon.  Insert "Home Alone" like scream with hands on the cheeks here. (AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!)  Ok, so I'm freaking out a little.  The jitters are kicking in a bit. I'm fluctuating between questioning my capabilities and being certain that I have what it takes. I've bitten all of my nails off. I've second guessed my shoe and attire choices. I feel the need to go out and try some crazy new supplement that might give me just a little extra...I don't know what.  I've scoured the LA Marathon website for information about race day like a maniac.

I am consumed with the feeling of uncertainty.  It's not that I don't think I can do it. (Ok, that IS part of it...but a very tiny part.) The uneasiness is due to the fact that anything can happen at this distance, and I don't have a lot of control over the variables.  Will I get enough food and rest the few days before?  Will it be hard to get to the shuttle? Will I get there with plenty of time? What will the weather be like?  How long will it take me to actually cross the starting line?  Will it be so congested that I feel trapped?  Will I feel strong and powerful that day?  Will I have to go to the bathroom a million times?  Will I be able to see my family?  How long will it take me?  Will it be fun?---at all?  There are so many questions that can only be answered on the day.  This is all part of the challenge, especially as a first timer.  It's another reason why not everyone runs marathons.

I find myself wondering how other first time marathoners are coping with the count down.  I've been consuming anything related to marathons and or running.  Books, magazines, movies, web pages, etc.  Today I watched a movie called "Spirit of the Marathon" & bawled like a baby.  My emotional investment for the runners in the film was immediate.  They were where I am right now.  Adrenaline kicked in as I observed their experience.  I'm so glad I watched it when I did, it was so fitting. What a happy accident that I stumbled across the film.

Although I have all of these nerves, doubts, and anxieties....I am ready.  Deep down I am certain I will finish.  I control my reaction to the variables on race day just as I did in training. This is so vital to success. I have done the research and put in the work.  Here I am on the cusp of the single digit countdown sans injury (I just knocked on wood--not taking any chances!) Now I'm tapering (slowly cutting down on mileage to rest the bod before the big day, phew!)...OH! Lightbulb!  Maybe THIS is why I am losing my mind a little....I've read about this!  Ok. I'm good.  This is totally normal. I think.

The bottom line is that I can't wait to see what this experience will bring.  I love how people that have run 26.2 miles always claim it will change your life.  I wonder what this will mean for me....because it's already changed me so much....

Running For A Cause

I have decided to run this marathon in honor of my Uncle, Norman Dobson.   I will also raise money for his chapter of the ALS Association.  This might be one of the most challenging parts of running the marathon for me.  I could have chosen to buckle down and simply focus on the running aspect of the race.  But, a few years ago my Uncle suffered from ALS and passed.  Simply put he was an amazing human being.  I've always wanted to find a way to raise money for ALS.  Here is my chance. How can I turn my back on this golden opportunity?

I have to admit that I really hate asking for money.  I know it's for charity. Still, it makes me really uncomfortable.  Asking for money from people is even further out of my comfort zone than running a marathon is.  I'm taking this on in the spirit of doing things I never thought I'd be able to. That's been the theme of my marathon journey.  What the heck, I'll add one more challenge to the pile.

So I have jumped in.  I started a link on a fundraising website.  Its crowdrise.com/ElizabethGardner.  I put this site up on facebook so that all of those "friends" may have a chance to donate.  I sent personal emails to local friends.  Tomorrow I'll be sending out letters and self addressed stamped envelopes to my extended family members.  This will hopefully make donating as easy as possible for them.  Hopefully I'll get some response.  This time next week I will be able to confidently say that I have done everything in my power to raise as much money as possible.

My goal is to raise $2,000.  I don't feel like it sounds like that much.  Though it's certainly more than I would be able to give at one time on my own. I've never done anything like this before, so I'm not sure what to expect.  The extent of my fundraising prowess is my sons jog-a-thon.  He raised the $100, all I did was provide phone numbers. The goal seems pretty reasonable to me.  I've worked out how much I need each person to donate in order to meet it.  Honestly I'll be happy with whatever amount I can donate in my Uncle Norm's name at the end of all of this. It just feels good to be running for a great cause.

I think of him often in my training.  Sometimes I feel as if his spirit is with me. One of the reasons I decided to do this race is simply because right now I can.  We never know what will happen to us in life.  For Norm his life rapidly changed once the disease took hold.  He became completely dependent on his family members.  In his life he was able to accomplish so many amazing things .  He was a terrific father and husband and an avid skydiver. He was also the director of research and development at Brewer Science.  Norm was involved in the Center for Applied Science and Engineering at Missouri State.  After he passed they named a research wing of the University in his honor. I know he would be proud of what I am doing, for seizing the opportunities that life presents.

Running Ain't Easy, or Cheap

Before I started running I'd always hear people say that it's a great low-cost way to whip yourself into shape. The way these folks talked it was virtually free.  It makes sense, I suppose.   You already own shoes.  You rely on your own two legs, some sweat pants, sports bra, water from a hose along the way.  Right? Wrong.  If you are planning on continuing this running thing for any amount of time or distance there is a far greater investment.  I won't even get into the emotional aspect of this, but I'll have you know it is great indeed.  The numbers involved could astound a non-runner. They still surprise me from time to time.  Yet it is all part of successfully training for a Marathon. Heres what I've learned...

Like most other sports the proper shoe is an integral part of success and injury prevention.  In running this is everything.  If done incorrectly it can sideline your progress and dampen your spirits.  There is so much that goes into the process of finding the right "fit." (Hahaha, I crack myself up!) Avoid the sale rack (Gasp! Anyone who knows me will understand that this goes against my primal being.  And it has taken some training of it's own to break this habit.)  Don't just go to some warehouse and buy a cute pair. Find a specialist who can talk you through the process of choosing a shoe.

There are so many different options and they go way beyond the simple issue of brand or color. Each shoe has been specially designed to suit the numerous running styles, foot strikes, or types of runs one might do.  It's quite like attempting to find a soul mate (Ha! I didn't even plan that pun....they just pour out of me people!)  Once you find the perfect pair you may feel the need to pray and make a deal with the devil in hopes that you will never see your precious shoe on the-wait for it- "extinct shoe" chart.  This is a real thing.  They discontinue shoes and it can be devastating.  There are lists to warn you....oh, it's too funny to even think about. But I get it.

Oh, and don't forget to double check the size.  You are not the size you thought you were. Your feet will swell during long runs and your shoes need to accommodate that.  Generally, it's good to buy a shoe that is 1 size larger than your foot measurement dictates. Go for comfort over style, hands down.  You will not care how cute it is that your shoes match your shirt that matches your headband if your toenails are falling off. Seriously.

Now you need cushy insoles, possibly specially formed to fit the shape of your foot.  There are countless options in this area as well.  And, just when you thought we were done talking about the feet, there is the conundrum of socks.  It is not a good idea to just grab a package of tube socks from the local Target.  There's moisture and odor to consider.  Non-cotton socks are the way to go.  Obtaining the right socks is almost as imperative as tracking down the right shoes.  You need help avoiding blisters as well as funk. Do you want ones with extra padding? Almost no padding?  Maybe you need the special compression socks? They even make ones with little "l" and "r" on them to help you place them accordingly.  Isn't it amazing?

I won't even get into the whole undies aspect, or support for the girls.  Take my word for it, this is costly as well. It's also important to have some kind of tech shirt or tank that fits properly.  It will dry quickly which is nice because you'll be one sweaty Betty after no time at all.  You need a jacket for those uber chilly late night or early morning runs.  Also pants that fit properly to avoid chaffing, preferably ones that are designed for running.  Did you know that they even make running skirts and dresses?  The possibilities are endless.

Then we have all of the other elements I never would have thought of before I took on this venture. Like the fact that because I am running so many miles a week I needed to buy 2 pairs of shoes.  One of them is made for higher mileage. Blah blah blah.  I needed body glide to keep from chaffing.  After awhile it became important to carry water and supplements with me.  Now I wear what they call a fuel belt.  It's a fanny pack that holds 2 water bottles and a pouch for money, lip balm, gu, etc.  I'm thinking about upgrading to one that carries even more water. Gu is expensive as well but is a huge help to get that jolt of energy and glycogen into my system (skittles and other candy work as well in a pinch). The armband I use to hold my ipod during runs....the books and magazines that I have purchased to help educate myself more on the topic. Cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching.

My biggest purchase that was induced by running is most certainly my stroller.  As I've stated in a previous blog I sincerely believe that it is worth every penny.  I have to bring my daughter with me at least once a week.  Now that my "short" run days consist of 5 miles stroller quality has become instrumental.  I am willing to take her with me instead of forgoing these important training sessions. Her comfort and safety are important to me.  Let's face it, anything that makes pushing her around for that long easier is a huge advantage to the both of us.

There is also the matter of the race fee.  It was around $145 to sign up for the LA Marathon.  Luckily for me I won't have to spend any extra cash on a hotel or transportation.  My sister lives near the finish line so that is all taken care of.  I can't imagine having to pay for a plane ticket on top of this.  I guess it would be a great way to keep one from backing out at the last minute.  The entry fee plus all the other cash I'm shelling out during training is enough incentive for me to make my way to the start.

There are a lot of other things I could easily justify needing for training.  Supplements, special clothes, the possibilities are endless.  Some people might feel the need to purchase a tread mill.  I understand this desire.  It would make running easier during my busy schedule. Especially while juggling the kids.  It's certainly not a necessity.  So I will stick to the great outdoors.  Others might spend money on running clubs or trainers.  Again, that is a luxury that I can not afford right now and that's fine with me.  I take it as I can with this new expensive hobby.  I spend here and there to help facilitate success without deflating the family budget.

Like most things in life running ain't easy, or cheap.  But I guess that's one of the reasons that not everyone completes marathons. The nice thing about running is that you can do it at any time day or night for free.  No gym memberships, no fees...just you and your well worn sole mates.....and all of that other crap you need.

This Girls Got Range

Today I ran 15 miles.  This is my furthest run to date.  It felt amazing to run that far.  I can't say that my BODY feels all that amazing right now.  My muscles are pretty sore....but mentally I'm fantastic.  I feel strong, capable, and motivated.  This was the first time that I ventured out of the concrete jungle.  I didn't really know where I was headed.  All I knew was that I needed to find some dirt to run on to ease the damage a 15 miler would inevitably do to my body.  Also, running inside the same 10 mile radius can become uber tedious. I mean-YAWWWN, BOREFEST! So bring on the trails, baby.

I failed to effectively map it out ahead of time.  This means I had no idea of what I would encounter along the way.  How far would the trail take me? Would there be tons of tough hills?  Would there be a way to connect to a road that I would recognize so I could make my way home? (I tend to get hopelessly lost. This is always a concern.) Could I even gain access to the trail? Would there be a bathroom? Or would I have to relieve myself...al fresco.  What the hell, I figured, I'll just go for it. Come what may.

I found a trail that's in a nearby gated community. I'd be turned away if I tried to drive my crappy little Rav-4 in there without being invited.  Luckily, it turns out I can run in like a crazy person. As long as I have sweat flowing freely out of every pore, pant like a maniac, and strap a hideous fanny pack to my hind end. (Don't judge, I need it to hold my water and...stuff) So I was in. The trail I chose winds all the way along the edge of the community.  Then it opens up into a little mountain range.  Can it even be referred to as a range?--Probably not, but when you're running 15 miles for the first time it certainly feels range-y. Yes, there were lots of tough hills.  No, I did NOT know where I was going.--Truth be told I took the trail in the opposite direction then I had intended (shocking).  No, there was not a "bathroom" per-se.  Luckily for me nature did not call during this part of the run.  It all worked out gloriously.  None of the concerns I had earlier mattered anymore.

About 6 miles in I spotted a nearby peak.  I knew it would take a lot of extra energy to chug up there. Somehow I had a feeling it would be worth it.  After all, when I had started the run I told myself I would go on an adventure.  Why not take advantage of all the trail had to offer?  It was beautiful.  Isolated. Quiet. When I reached the peak at 8 miles in I felt like I had found a piece of heaven. I could see everything in spectacular 360 degree glory.  Million dollar homes on one side and and rolling hills as far as the eye could see on all of the others.  Green and ga-ga-gorgeous. I took a few precious minutes to appreciate the view...and appreciate the fact that my legs were able to carry me there.  I knew that instant that I would be back.  I was full of gratitude for all this trail had to offer.  My own little mountain range.

This is where I want to be with my running.  Tackling a huge mileage goal successfully and with a clear head.  And taking the time to enjoy the view.  That is what it's all about for me. A couple of hikers informed me that this particular goldmine of a trail winds all the way back to a highway....I'm guessing 10 miles or so from the peak of my tiny mountaintop. I can't wait to follow it the remainder of the way.  Maybe I'll even map it out next time.  I am excited to see where my next long run will take me. It will be 16 miles on Tuesday.  Let the adventures begin.

Storm Cloud of a Doubt

Mean people suck.

Last week I had a bad running experience.  Surprisingly it wasn't while running.  It was while talking to an experienced runner that I work with.  He was sharing some of his recent exploits with me.  So, I shared the fact that I had signed up for the marathon happening in March.  This is where it all went downhill.  I made the crazy assumption that as a fellow runner at the very least he would say, "good for you."  Sadly, the response he gave was not even close.  In fact it was the perfect opposite.  He actually said a number of fairly hurtful things to me.  Like...."Why would you do something stupid like THAT?" "You DO know there is such a thing as half-marathons, right?" "Why on earth would you want to run that race?" "Have fun destroying your body." "What makes you think you can do it?"  "Have you done this before?"  "How long have you been running?" And more.  All that said as perfectly snarky and callous as it reads on the screen here.  Interject sneers and inconsiderate looks from head to toe.  Oh, and the real kicker.  The vocalized judgement that put the nail in the conversation coffin. "Good luck."  After all of that it probably goes without saying that he did not mean good luck in it's traditional well-wishing fashion. Nor did he even attempt to make it seem like that's what he meant.  He meant good luck finishing that race in one piece you idiot.

The bad thing about all of this was that it got in my head.  At the time I retorted tartly to each of his barbs and kindly vacated the room we were sharing.  We were at work, after all, and I didn't want to make a scene. I told myself to brush it off.  His opinion and comments didn't matter.  He didn't know what he was talking about.  He was being a colossal douche. But there are a few problems with this.  He sort of does know what he is talking about.  A little back story on this guy (I happen to know some because he is one of those men that LOVES- no, LIVES to talk about himself endlessly.  So he had bragged about his running prowess all the way back to the glory High School days...at least 20 years ago for him, I'm guessing.)  He is a sponsored distance runner.  He travels around the world with running clubs to compete.  He also coaches young runners and works to develop talent.  He runs for speed. Typically his races are 8k trail runs.

This is part of the reason I was so dumbfounded about his barrage of negative comments.  I had made the mistake of thinking hey, we're both runners.  We have something in common.  Let's talk about it.  NEVER AGAIN.   I really learned something about the sport that day.  Now you can say that this is just a personality flaw.  Yes, I believe it is.  But I also believe that for a lot of the community there is a stigma to new runners.  There is also a huge gap between the people who run to compete and the people who run to--well, run.  Part of the reason why he was so ill towards me is simple.  I am new to running therefore must be slow. And, I must have no idea what I am doing (ok, he's kinda got me there).  But instead of embracing a newbie and saying "welcome to the club, give it your all,"  he tried to scare me away from my goal.  That sucks.  It is so unfortunate that anyone would feel the need to do that.  This grown man projected quite a few of his own fears and feelings onto me.

The following day was rough.  As hard as I tried to shut it out some of those statements were on my mind.  It was to be my longest run yet. 10 miles after a full day of work, away from my baby.  This is where some of my personality comes into play.  Although I was letting it get to me I wasn't going to let it detour me from my training plan.  I suited up for battle....or rather, a run.  I didn't really want to go.  My heart wasn't in it. But, I also didn't want to prove him right. The first couple of miles my feet pounded into the pavement angrily.  How dare he say those things? He doesn't know me! Over the middle miles I began to think ugh, this sucks, I'm not even enjoying it anymore.  By the end I was exhausted, sad, and unimpressed with my time and how broken down my body felt.  What am I thinking?

I hobbled up the stairs to my house.  Once inside I pathetically flopped myself sideways onto the bed.  "Whats up babe? How was your run? Did you make it all the way?" My husband asked.  I sprung off of the bed-ouch. "Of course I made it all 10 miles, are you crazy?  That's what I said I was going to do and I did it."  I was offended. Again.  Man, I am sensitive!  Every fiber of my body hurt.  I began to seriously doubt my decision making. I mean, I've had my share of shadows of doubt before this day.  But they were so fleeting and seemed trivial. This was a whole other monster.  The shadow had turned into a huge rain cloud. The negative self-talk floodgates opened....  I am reeking havoc on my body for no good reason.  If this is how I feel after 10 how will I feel after 26?  What if I can't walk after that? Will I need to be carried off of the course?  I don't even know how to take care of myself after a long run. Should I be having some kind of sports drink and vicodin combo?  Will I be able to walk tomorrow?  I'll be so embarrassed if I have to limp around work tomorrow.  That Captain Douche McGee will laugh at me, point his bony finger of shame and say I told you so.

I asked my husband to grab the ice bucket.  Ahhhh, my first date with an ice bath.  Ok. That felt better.  Almost a week later and things have turned around.  I've logged 3 more successful yet challenging runs.  I learned a few more things about Mister not-so-nicey-runner-pants.  Turns out he is one of "those" runners that I talked about previously.  And, he DOES think he is better than--everyone. More importantly I have learned a few important things about myself and this new territory. There will be nay-sayers and people that aren't on board with what I am doing. They may say I can't do it, or call me crazy for trying.  My own parents both expressed their concern at my marathon goal.  At the end of the day that doesn't mean a thing.

Even if I do have doubts I know one thing.  I can do anything that I put my mind to.  I have determination and drive down to the core of my being.  I don't care how hard this race is.  Or how difficult it is for a first time runner to complete the training.  I am resilient and diligent.  I will get through the 26 miles just like I got through 10, by taking one grueling mile at a time. I am taking the proper steps to set myself up for success.  I am putting in the time and effort to prepare.  I am becoming mentally and physically tough. I don't know if I am ready for this.  But I plan to be in March when it's race time. Mean people be damned! Later in life weather I've run a dozen more races or just this one I hope I can support a new runner.  I want to be positive and say, "you can do it, go for it!"  Because everyone deserves to feel that way.